Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
