Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry derbyctyriotgrrl hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(305): View more from Florida

We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.

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(480): View more from Arizona

Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore

Fav 27 1035 5528
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(419): View more from Ohio

I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar

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(231): View more from Michigan

His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.

(812): View more from Indiana

Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.

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(802): View more from Vermont

Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though

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(828): View more from North Carolina

You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.

(336): View more from North Carolina

Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.

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