feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
