I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Slut skills are useful in every country.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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