i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
