I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize