We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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