oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
