somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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