she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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