I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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