also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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