i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
