if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They took my balls.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
