About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well you can't waste a boner
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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