Someone shit on the floor
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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