When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
