I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
