these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize