The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
