Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The uberlube is also flammable
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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