How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
