she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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