on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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