At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's blow job season.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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