I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
