Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
