i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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