The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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