at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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