New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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