She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
