So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
