Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
