I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
