just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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