I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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