Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
