I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
