Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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