smell my finger.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
