apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
