I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
