Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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