Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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