i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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