are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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