He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
