i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
