I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
