mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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