Don't you send me to vm
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
