i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
