I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
