She is in my trunk
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
