So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
