Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
