just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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