i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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