He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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