What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
