what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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