i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
