2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
