found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We need to get me chipped asap
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
