I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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