I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
