Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
