Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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