Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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