We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
