Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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