OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize