You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
