Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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