Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
