its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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