remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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