I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
