I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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