Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
