There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
