Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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