he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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