Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
