she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
