I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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