You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
