Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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