i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
