Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
