You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
