he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
