It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
