I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
