I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize